Bipolar

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

CoolHandLuke!

The above is a quote from the film Cool Hand Kit. Ok ….. Cool Hand Luke.
Sadly Luke – Paul Newman ( a poor substitute for me on the looks front ) takes on the prison system, allowing himself to become a hero for the inmates, who look to him to voice and act on their gripes.

Have you been there? I have.

It’s always hard to know where one’s core personality begins and ends, and where the Bipolar begins, but when in the omnipotent euphoric phase, my judgement can be impaired and make me vulnerable to firing other people’s bullets. Many ex colleagues and so called friends have proved to be adept and shrewd manipulators of my psyche, and many is the time I have been persuaded to go ‘into bat’ on their behalf, like some dragon slaying White Knight. Trouble was, more often than not, it was not my agenda and the Dragon proved non-existent. So I’d be left with egg on face, reputational damage, and the inescapable feeling I’d been a Jackass – again! Will I ever learn? Err …… probably not.

Why? – because when the hyper-intensity of a Bipolar upsurge grips you, your previous sworn affidavits ( well at least they are in my head ) are as nothing, as the arrogance of the condition overwhelms your good sense and control, and you charge in regardless, only to drop a cod yet again. Grrrrr!

The failure to communicate is mine – or rather a failure of rationality and reason to overcome hubris and arrogance. So instead of seeking to manage that failure I’ve learned to adopt a ‘prevention is better than cure’ treatment. By the time the cure is needed it’s too late. So now I look for the warning signs – usually when I hear people beefing off about some issue or person. I simply tune out, to the point of becoming effectively deaf so that I do not get sucked into things I shouldn’t. I get accused of going quiet, but it’s preferable to losing the plot. The bullet fashioners don’t get the flack that those who fire them do. I am usually full of myself at these times, so tuning out invites unwelcome attention along the lines ‘are you alright?’ but the introspection that follows me dropping myself in it is far, far more damaging than seeming to have gone into a sulk. I haven’t gone into a sulk, but the contrast with my earlier hype makes it seem so.

If you can identify with my experience, then try it. And if you have a big beef with someone or an organisation, then let me know so I can intervene on your behalf,
Yes! Just joking.

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4 Responses to “What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

  1. On August 9, 2013 at 9:25 am Julie Burroughs Erdman responded with... #

    Nicely put! Still, I can’t agree with your blanket, tune out the noise method of coping. I say be a reformer, not a revolutionary.

    While we must look out for number one, fighting a knee jerk response to come to another’s aid might protect you, but it can leave someone who might legitimately need an advocate in the dust.

    Feigned indifference is more of a cultural problem than hypomania, if you ask me.

    • On August 13, 2013 at 3:20 pm admin responded with... #

      I’m afraid to say my altruism has gotten me in trouble too many times. It takes 100% effort just to manage myself. I agree your sentiments but can’t do it and risk my sanity.

  2. On August 27, 2013 at 8:13 pm dinah lea responded with... #

    I’ve noticed myself doing this, but it usually occurrs before the other party sees it as a problem and I’m already on the phone trying to sort things out. I realised how annoying it can be to others so I have to tune out when I feel that urge coming over me.
    Oh what a life!

    • On September 5, 2013 at 12:24 pm admin responded with... #

      Hi Dinah

      Good to hear from you. You too eh??

      Take care

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