The Turning Point – did I see the White Light?
People often ask me where or when my Damascene conversion took place that enabled me to step back from the brink and share my experiences of living with Bipolar.
That’s easy, and as usual with me, it is shrouded in comic sentiment.
I tried the painless method of car exhaust pipe and closed garage door. The first dopey decision was the fact the car was a TVR – which is loud grumbling V8 beast of a car, and not exactly silent running! So a female neighbour alerted the Police just in time – though it was sometime before I felt gratitude towards her. I felt cheated. I later made amends and she became a great friend.
The Doctor told me the carbon monoxide levels in my blood were such that I was minutes from death.
So the funny part? Well like most of us facing death, or seeking/hoping for it like me, I thought about God, and when I came around the first thing I saw …… no hang on, a moment’s pause here! People have asked about the light – you know the light that apparently appears at death and supposedly soothes and seduces you to the ‘other side’. I too did wonder about this, and for a brief few moments I was convinced I’d seen it! – since when I came around the first thing I saw was a guy in a white Turban with a big beard about three feet from my face. Yes in those few moments of semi comatose bleary eyed recognition I imagined I had arrived at the Pearly Gates. The light? – it turned out to be his pen-light shining into my pupils as I returned to consciousness! His name was not God but Dr Singh!
Days later when I recounted the tale to my best friend over a few lachrymose beers, we both collapsed into hysterics at the bloody absurdity of it.
And that was the turning point. The day I came to the conclusion that I was not meant to be dead just yet, and that I should perhaps use the talents of humour I seem to have been blessed with, and write about what I’d been through to help others.
I am so glad I did.