Bipolar

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

 

 

 

 

I made an earth shattering discovery today – I think I’ve unearthed a new mental illness. It’s called Tripolar! 

Let me explain. A couple of days ago I heard that unique riff or refrain that underscored the film, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. And it immediately struck me there were actually three distinct elements to my condition. And as an aside, why is it that it sounds so much more exotic when you say it in Italian? – Il Buono, Il Brutto and Il Gattivo!

I think I could live with being called Il Gattivo . Better than being called ugly. Giuseppe Verdi sounds so much more musically accomplished that Joe Green don’t you think?

Well I won’t harp on about the Good – we all know about it – hypermanic, omnipotent, wild, risky, creative, exciting, unbelievable self-confidence. It may not be good, but it sure beats the bad – which is deep depression, lack of energy, listlessness, lack of hope and despair. But what about the ugly? Well that’s the side of Bipolar I detest most and the aspect that causes me the most grief, that worm that gets into my head and combines all the creativity of the good and uses it to conjure up damage likely to hit right at the heart of those whom have ‘wronged you’

‘Whats that?  You don’t know what I’m talking about? Oh I think you do. Or maybe you are not Bipolar. For me it’s part of the condition. And it’s the most loathsome aspect. Get carried away and act daft in the hyper phase and people may laugh and let it pass by. If you can barely communicate and function through depression, sympathy is likely from loved ones, BUT! – unleash a torrent of invective or worse, seek out some act designed to hurt and damage a person and you effectively bury a good relationship.

At the time my actions seem both rational and reasonable. But after the angst and paranoia has diminished or disappeared, you are left with the appalling consequences that you have meted out a ‘punishment’ that in no way reflects the crime. The guilt is overwhelming and any moral high ground you might have had in the conflict has been tossed away on an ocean of bile.

 

Il Gattivo indeed!

Tags: , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”

  1. On May 26, 2013 at 12:33 pm masembe-nkata responded with... #

    Brother Johnson,
    What a revelation!!, like the previous comment made that this is truism of a high degree. Well-done.
    For as a read your brief explanation I felt that this was kind of a spiritual account not in a religious meaning (but it could as well be) that you managed to go to a position of thinking that we rarely visit or that rarely comes to our senses.

    Its a very delicate position to feel, to be and this is hardly explored in the BPAD we are accustomed to. Its not assessed, I mean the “punitive, vengeful or revengeful” aspect of the condition. Yes ideas of homicide or suicide are asked but not with perspective.
    The guilt and pain experienced when the episode resolves could be a killer its self for that person that they struggle to equate or balance their actions against their loved ones to an accusation that is not matching the damage.

    I wish we could hear from other areas of thinking but more so the services users and carers.

  2. On February 1, 2014 at 8:59 pm Jimmy Clark responded with... #

    I think I can relate to what you’re saying. After I’ve been enjoying the exhilarating high of pre-mania, I begin to show some really rude behavior. I have accused my best friend of something he would never do,hurting his feelings in the process. Have driven my wife nuts ranting and raving about something that had nothing to do with the original conversation.The worse case senario for all of this is usually a downward spiral and deep,dull depression. Along with offending and hurting my family and friends. I can’t remember the number of times this roller coaster has happened to me-it’s many.

    • On February 21, 2014 at 7:02 pm admin responded with... #

      Hi Jimmy
      I can identify 100% with what you say – been there!! Its a bugger and no mistake. Nice to know we are not alone!
      Take care and thanks for writing

      Kind regards Kit

Add your response