Still haven’t found what you’re looking for?

That haunting U2 tune might have been written for me. For years I didn’t know I had Bipolar and thus sought remedies in new cars, new houses, new jobs and worst of all, new relationships. Pursuing these false idols kept me convinced for a long time that I was as ‘normal’ as everyone else seemed to be ( I say seemed to be – that’s worth noting too!) : and then post diagnosis and acceptance, I realised I needed to look inwardly and sate my demons with a more prosaic attitude.

And that is that material things do not do anything to appease or ease the condition. Sure the excitement of a new car may last a few days and lift the spirits, but it’s illusory and transient. New relationships are maybe less easy to simply dispense with, as who you are with, is absolutely key. We need love – lots of it – and we are not always very loveable are we?

Maybe the answer is to simply stop looking – there is no Holy Grail. Just play the hand that was given to you, make the most of it and don’t keep looking for a fresh deal.

And live with total honesty. No I don’t mean in the commandment sense, though it’s no bad way to be is it? – but I mean try to address your behaviour and avoid manipulating people. Bipolar people, especially if they are blessed with articulacy, can be utter stinkers and conjure up responses and reactions by playing the old violin strings like the proverbial Maestro, and getting what you want through subterfuge, or evading responsibility when you know you’ve done wrong.

I was guilty of that for many years and it embarrasses me still. When I wrote the book, it was my opportunity to shed all the skeletons, move on from the past and to play it with a straight bat. What I didn’t pull off was the overuse of poor metaphors like the last sentence. Nobody’s perfect eh!

And if you are Bipolar you are bloody miles from perfection.  So stop looking for ‘it’, for it doesn’t exist.

If it does I promise to let you know!

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